It’s that time of the week again, folks. You’ve survived the daily 9-5 and you’re probably already a couple drinks deep into a worry-free weekend. Of course, it can’t truly be the weekend without an all-new Sinners of Amazon and we can’t wait for you to see what’s in store. So, set that browser to incognito and get to shopping.
This rotating dildo with 7-vibration speeds
Next on our list is a slightly aggressive-looking “realistic” dildo that spins 360 degrees AND has 7 different vibration patterns. Amazon shoppers can’t get enough of this toy. In fact, one reviewer sounds like quite the fan. “Ohmygosh. My new best friend. Feels SOOOO amazing and SOOOO lifelike!!! I’ve never been able to climax without clitoral stimulation but guess who did without it, and just with this puppy? This. is. amazing.”
Get it on Amazon for $24.99
This clever Dick coffee mug
I’m not going to lie, I’ve definitely already dragged about 3 of these into my shopping cart for a select few coworkers. It’s just too clever to pass up.
Get it on Amazon for $12.06
This bag of “man glitter” AKA sawdust
If your man is feeling the need for a little masculine boost, offer him some of this “man glitter.” Yes, it’s just sawdust shavings in a plastic bag, but masculinity is fragile at times and what’s more manly than chopping wood?
Get it on Amazon for $3.00
This Grilled Cheesus sandwichPress
Honestly, who wouldn’t want Jesus’s face on their toast? Just in time for Easter, this grilled cheesus maker is inspiring all sorts of miracles. “I bought it for my good friend who is a Jehovas Witness. After I made him just one grilled cheesus he suddenly saw the light. His children should thank me as he has now put up a tree, bought gifts and even going back all those years they couldn’t have a birthday party and throwing a big bash. Thanks Jesus, you really do work in mysterious ways.” Wowza.
Get it on Amazon for $39.95
This Snoop Dogg Mad Libs book
If you enjoyed Mad Libs as a kid, then you’re sure to get a kick out of this Snoop Dogg-inspired version that takes the game to a much “higher” level. *Drags to shopping cart*
Get it on Amazon for $4.99
This Juicy Skunk can of anal gland smell
The thought of this next product definitely caused me to throw up in my mouth a little bit. Who comes up with the idea of putting a skunk’s anal glands into a can?? Why, just why would anyone want this? I guess it does make for a pretty ingenious gag gift, though.
Get it on Amazon for $7.87
This Freeloader Fork
First up on our list this week, is the ideal gift for that one friend who can’t manage to stay away from your food. The Freeloader Fork is an extendable grip utensil that the hunger monster can take anywhere, anytime. Just keep an eye on your plate.
Get it on Amazon for $8.99
This portable pizzapouch
Continuing in the spirit of people who choose food as their religion, we bring you the portable pizza pouch. Yes, it’s literally a triangle-shaped bag perfect for one slice of pizza and comes with a lanyard that goes around your neck. This way you NEVER have to go anywhere without bae.
Get it on Amazon for $8.50
This “realistic” double-sided male masturbator
There’s always at least one product on the Sinners list that seriously makes me wonder. This is that product. Don’t get me wrong, I get the whole fleshlight thing, but this is just too much. Why is there a nose?? Apparently, customers are loving the product though. “This is the masturbator to beat all masturbator especially for the price it cannot be beat. Now I have owned quite a few different masturbators but this is hands down my favorite! I have a fleshlight and this in my opinion blows it out ofof water.”
Get it on Amazon for $23.99
This “Genital World” adult coloring book
If you’ve been in the market for one of those stress-relieving adult coloring books, look no further than “Genital World.” Yes, really. It’s an entire coloring book dedicated to shading in various forms of genitalia. What more could you possibly want?
Get it on Amazon for $10.48
This giant inflatable penis costume
We know it’s a little early, but we’ve already got your Halloween costume picked out for this year. Because who wouldn’t want to be dressed like a giant brown dong?
Get it on Amazon for $22.99
These multi-cuffed bondage restraints
BDSM enthusiasts and beginners alike will get hours of enjoyment out of these restraints. According to the product description, they are “built to handle even the most passionate romance. We construct each set from only the finest materials.” Hmmm.
Get it on Amazon for $18.99
This hilarious embarrassing box prank
Last, but certainly not least is this hilarious prank “gift” you should most definitely send to that asshole who screwed you over OR your best friend who enjoys a good tiny penis joke. Happy shopping!
Get it on Amazon for $9.99